There’s Freedom in Slowing Down: A Note on Setting Your Own Pace

Welcome to a new edition we’re going to call, “Things I’ve recently said/asked myself.” Examples include:

• How much time do I have before the kids get out of school?
• Why is there a juice box laying upside down on my new carpet? (Don’t worry, dear reader, it was empty. Crisis averted!)
• It’s ok to go slow.
• What did I come into this room for?
• What is a healthy food choice that future me will be grateful for?
• Something is better than nothing.
• Does Tom Cruise even age?
• I don’t have to have all the answers, I just have to do today’s work.
• Is the fridge door hanging open for a reason, or…?
• It’s ok to move at my own pace.

As you can see, the list is long and extremely random. I could do a deep dive into all of these (I mean, can we talk about Tom Cruise for a second?) but today we’re going to focus on the last little bullet point: the one about pace.

“It’s ok to move at my own pace” is something I’ve been telling myself recently, especially when I feel the pressures of hustle and hurry creeping up in my chest.

“Pace” can really apply to everything.

It can apply to a mental checklist of life events (I should be married, have a family, built a house, etc. by now) or even to the number of things we feel we should get done in a day.

The thing I tend to forget is that “pace” is subjective. We don’t all have to have the same pace. I’m not going to miss out by moving at a slower speed than my neighbor. And I have my own lane (I just forget that I need to stay in it).

I am allowed to move at my own pace. And so are you. There is so much freedom in releasing the need to match our pace with someone else’s.

When the “pace” issue starts to creep into my heart and soul, here are some questions I ask myself to check in and course correct:

Am I getting Lost in the Comparison game?

I’ve written about the comparison trap before, but to be honest, I still find myself in it from time to time. I’ve done a lot of work to make myself aware of when I’m in it, but I don’t know that it’s possible to completely stop comparing.

On top of social media broadcasting everyone’s highlight reels, we’re also inundated with ads and sponsored posts all day long. I’d like to think I’m not comparing… but I think it’s almost impossible not to.

When I start comparing, even in small ways, I can feel my heart and soul shifting from being comfortable with where I’m at to that feeling of needing to do and be more.

I should probably be making more reels.

I can’t believe I yelled again! How are all these other moms so calm and collected?

Do I need a new vehicle?

Comparison often leads me to rush. I forget that I’m already right where I’m supposed to be and I start trying to force.

When I feel the comparison trap creeping in, I remember to shut down social media and take a break. I also look around at right where I am. My feet are where they are supposed to be. I am the exact right Mom my kids need and we have much to be thankful for. I am fully me and I am allowed to move at my own pace.

Am I including Rhythms of silence and rest?

I feel like a monk typing that question. Or like some 20-something “self-care” guru who has nothing on her plate but time.

I am, however, neither of those things. I’m a busy mom with three kiddos in a lot of activities. I just recently switched careers which means I’m doing a lot of scrambling and hustling to get that off the ground. I’ve also just entered the summer season where I’ll be trying to work from home while the kids are here (which means there will basically be NO MOMENTS of silence!)

What busy seasons of life have taught me, however, is that the louder, busier, faster, and fuller our calendars are, THE MORE we need rest + silence! The more we need margin.

Establishing rhythms of silence and rest feels laughable at times though, doesn’t it?

I’m not sure I’ll ever perfect this process. But I have found a few simple + easy strategies. If you’re looking to find the silence your soul is craving, give these ideas a try:

• Get up just 10 minutes earlier and make a cup of coffee while everyone else is still sleeping.
• Turn off the radio or podcasts while you’re driving to your next appointment and just let your car be quiet.
• Cut down on scrolling. I know. We’re tired of this message and it feels overused. But the science behind the benefits is HUGE. At your next school pickup, try not to pick up your phone and just close your eyes and embrace the silence if you can.

Sometimes silence makes me itchy. I get it. We feel like we should be DOING something. But what if “being silent” is the something we should actually be doing? What if silence and rest are necessary to our soul and can help us slow down and embrace our own pace?

Am I Following My Own Guidelines or Society’s Guidelines?

Let me introduce you to 20-something Kris. 20-something Kris had a mental checklist of what “should” be done and she was going to DOMINATE that thing!

And I kinda did. I graduated college, then took that degree and got my first “adult” job. After that, I got married and then we bought a house and started a family.

I tackled what I felt I was supposed to, and then in my early 30s, I started thinking, hold on a second. Is this all there is? An endless checklist of things I “should” be accomplishing?

If I could go back to my 20-something self, I’d tell her the truth: THERE ARE NO RULES.

There is no checklist we all have to abide by. There is no “set way” to do things. Take your time. The pressure’s off!

I also take this philosophy to heart when I consider my blog posts. For FOREVER, I have wanted to move to publishing a weekly post. This has yet to happen. I have spent countless hours getting down on myself about it and frustrated that I couldn’t make it happen. You know, “You have the time, you’re just choosing to spend it on other things” and blah, blah, blah.

I’ve had a recent discovery, however, that cranking out a weekly blog post is less important to me than ensuring I produce worthy content.

Quality is more important than quantity to me.

Despite today’s business gurus, popular bloggers, and content creators preaching the value of constantly providing content, it’s not worth the potential burnout for me.

Is there something society is selling you that’s leading you toward burnout, too? Maybe your pace is set too fast for your soul. I know this has been true for me. Don’t forget to check in and ask yourself whose guidelines you’re following.

Am I Focusing on what actually matters to me?

Flashback to 2021. We’re somewhere in the messy middle of the pandemic and I’ve just finished reading Dream Big by Bob Goff. In it, he inspires readers to make an “ambitions list,” which is basically a list of what matters to us and what legacy we want to leave behind.

After making the list, I realized some very crucial things in my life just simply didn’t fit. Working 40 hours a week was starting to drain me as I was also trying to keep up at home. I could feel myself getting cranky and impatient for no good reason. I was over-scheduled and my time was filled with things that didn’t align with my priorities.

It was such an incredible “aha!” moment. I remember sitting at the kitchen table and then going, THIS is why I feel stretched too thin and irritable! I’m spending a lot of time on things that don’t actually matter to me!

Now, granted, there will always be things in life that we have to spend our time, even if they don’t inspire us or make us feel we’re leaving a legacy behind. (Laundry, anyone?)

But I also feel SO, SO deeply in the practice of setting priorities and figuring out what matters, that I want to shout it from the rooftops!

📣 HEY YOU! WRITE DOWN A LIST OF THE THINGS THAT ARE MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU!📣

I see so many women walking around feeling a little lost, irritable, and like life is simply a list of mundane tasks and Groundhog’s Day on repeat. I know because I was once in the same boat.

Getting clear on what matters to you is one huge practice that can change the trajectory of your life. I realize that sounds intense, but I believe in it.

Wrapping Up.

I wrote this post as much for myself as for anyone else. My natural tendency is to rush things. To speed through and get to whatever is next. So it’s no wonder I sometimes feel off and have to pause and evaluate. Oftentimes, my pace is the issue.

So here is where I’ll give us some permission: It’s ok to move at our own pace.

We have the power and the freedom to say no to the things that stress us out and yes to the things that inspire and challenge us. Regardless of how long it takes. Regardless of whether or not it’s socially acceptable. There is no set speed or checklist. We get to choose.

We were created to be free! Spending our lives running too fast and working to accomplish all the things probably won’t turn out as well as we’d like it to.