On New Beginnings (And Changes I Didn’t See Coming)

I’m not even sure how to begin this blog post. Hi? Hello? Maybe a simple, “Yes, I’m alive!” Or how about, new blog post… who dis? 🙃🤷‍♀️

If you’ve been following along, you might have noticed that it’s been very quiet over here the past 3(ish) months as I unintentionally made it all the way through summer without posting a single word or video on any platform.

No blog posts, Instagram reels, or stories.

Radio silence.

This, of course, wasn’t my plan when summer began and the kids moved from their traditional school days to long, summer days at home while I was still trying to freelance.

But if you had asked me what I was thinking/feeling in early May, I would have told you that I sensed change was on the horizon. Have you ever had that feeling? Like change is coming, but you’re not sure what it means or looks like yet? You just have this feeling like something unexplainable is on its way?

That’s how I felt as I entered early summer in the year of our Lord 2024.

Additionally, I was on the verge of BURNOUT from putting an immense amount of pressure on myself to constantly show up online. No one was asking me to be online so much, mind you. But I felt it was what I needed to do in order to continue as a writer, freelancer, etc.

I was beginning to loathe reels. My mind was constantly on “what should I post next?” mode. The simplicity of everyday life was being replaced by my own internal pressure to produce. Produce for myself and for my freelancing clients.

It started with taking just a day off of posting, and then a week went by. Then a month. I knew I needed space, but I just couldn’t muster up the desire to publish new content.

Fast forward another few weeks, and I found myself winding down summer with the kids while simultaneously hanging up my freelancing hat to take on a new role back in an office. 🤯

There it was, the change I couldn’t identify in early May. It was not how I saw our summer ending, but it’s also been so beautiful, rewarding, and exciting! (And it gives me an opportunity to wear lipstick again, so there’s that.)

I am happy to go into the details of my new job for anyone who asks, but for today, I’d like this post to circle largely around what I’ve been mulling around in the ol’ noggin over the past 3 months. Lessons I’m (re)learning, how this season of life is so much different than previous ones… you get the idea.

Let’s dive in!

Realization #1: Work/Titles/What I Do For a Living Does Not Equal My Identity

As an Enneagram 3, I tend to wrap up my identity in what I do for work. I’m a “writer” or I’m a “banker” or whatever.

In the past, the two (my identity and my job role) have become so tightly interwoven that I’ve found myself floundering without a specific title to hold onto. If I’m not {fill in the blank job title}, then who am I?

But these past few months of changing jobs have helped me to see things differently.

This might seem obvious to some, but my Enneagram 3-ness is strong so it’s taken me time to realize that I am so much more than what I do for work. I am a parent, sibling, community member, and individual soul. I can have hobbies and love my people well, which will likely speak more to my legacy than what I do during the day while my kiddos are at school.

What I’ve learned is that my job can simply be a part of me. Yes, it’s important that it matches my skillset, doesn’t drain my soul, fits my lifestyle, challenges me, etc. But my job doesn’t need to be my entire identity.

Realization #2: Everything is Seasonal

My previous season was highly focused on building my own business and a freelancing career. Let’s be clear, I loved this kind of work. Yes, it was challenging, but it was also rewarding in some of the best ways!

However, as any entrepreneur or side hustler knows, this kind of lifestyle also comes without an “off” switch.

Work and home hours become blurred. Boundaries are hard to set (and keep). You go to bed wondering how you’ll finish that last article and wake up in the middle of the night sweating because your tired mind has convinced you that this newest client is absolutely going to drop you overnight.

And, let us not forget that as a freelance writer, if you are not actively seated in front of that laptop, crunching out words, you are not bringing home the bacon. (Add this to a long list of things I didn’t realize before jumping into a freelancing career.)

All of this to say, each season comes with its own focal points.

In my last season of life, I was constantly going, always on. This season of life is giving me a chance to sloooooow doooown.

My recent job change paved the way for me to realign my life with what I desire most: Freedom, simplicity, and an overall slower pace.

My mental energy has also been restored. I now have time to focus on my family during the evenings when the work hours are complete. Additionally, the belief that I have to be online at all times is gone, freeing up space to bake, or decorate a new space in my home, or, you know, write new blog posts, which leads me to…

Realization #3: I Want to Do Things Differently With This Little Blog

Over the summer, I had a huge revelation regarding this little online space. In short, I was trying to make it too much of a THING when what I really needed it to be all along was a simple, creative outlet/space.

You see, for the entirety of this blog’s life, I have looked at it through the wrong lens.

I thought I wanted to monetize. Actually, scratch that. I thought I *needed* to monetize. It seemed like the next logical route and I don’t regret going down that path because I don’t think I would have learned what I know now if I hadn’t.

But, when I tried too hard to make this blog A THING (a profession, a career, whatever you want to call it), it took away what I loved most about writing – the joy and fun of it.

There are a million and one people who will tell us that we need to chase our dreams and take things more seriously and “do what we love every day and it won’t feel like work.”

Those words are inspiring and motivating in the right scenarios. And I once, wholeheartedly, believed them to be true about everything. But I learned something new this summer that goes against the grain: hobbies are beautiful and perfect, just as they are. I don’t have to turn this into my job. I don’t have to monetize anything. This blog can simply be the creative outlet I need right now.

I simply want this space to be an extension of my life. I want to sprinkle in a few musings on motherhood and growing older. Maybe some random fashion/home decor finds that I love or inspire me. I want to touch on the things I’m focusing on like health, and good food, and family, and style, and creativity, and design.

All these things make up who I am and I want this blog to simply be an extension of that. Simple. Honest. Cozy. Fun. Delightful. Life.

Ultimately, I’m tired of writing in a way that’s trendy and searchable. I’m ready to just let writing be fun again. Creative. Thoughtful. Reflective. Life stories.

As a side note, I’m also tired of making videos on Instagram. I know it’s not popular anymore to simply post a few photos, but I’m going to do it anyway. I want to share bits and pieces of everyday life. That’s where the joy is for me and I just want it to be fun again.

I miss this. I miss writing this way. I’m ready to bring back the OG blog form of simply writing to write, not writing to sell or to build a following or to be famous.

Realization #4: This Can Be Enough

The most important question I’ve been asking myself lately, through all the ups and downs and zigs and zags, is this: Can this be enough?

In a world that preaches “more” and “better,” can it be enough to just want a simple and quiet life? 

Can it be enough to not have a side hustle? Or not accomplish audacious dreams? Or not post to social media? Can it be enough to tackle a new hobby in the quiet? 

Can this *gestures hand around wildly* be enough? Right here, right where I’m at. With a job and a mortgage and a family and a good life.

I think so.

And also, I like this question. It brings me joy. It makes me realize, yet again, that there is still so much goodness in the everydayness of life. We don’t have to need more. We can be ok with what’s right in front of us. There’s nothing wrong with living a simple life.

Everything I have, right now, is exactly enough. Just as it is.

Realization #5: I Need More White Space

I have talked about white space in my schedule before, but this summer made me realize I need more white space in other areas of life, too.

In early August, I unwrapped my new planner (always an academic planner that runs from August to July, and always a Simplified planner by Emily Ley, but this is a story for another time). At the beginning of each planner, there’s white space to write down potential goals for the year ahead.

Normally, I nerd out and get very excited to fill out a planner in August. 

New goals! New ideas! What do I want to accomplish? Where do I want to be a year from now? What’s on my bucket list? 

Dear reader, I looked at those white pages full of opportunity and delight, and could only think of 2 words I wanted for the year ahead: slowness and peace.

This time around with my planner, I’m not rushing. I’m not pushing or digging in or making huge goals that make me wonder how the heck I’m going to fulfill them. I’m not making huge to-do lists and I’m not writing everything down.

I’m just looking at my planner with its empty white pages and smiling. 

Let them be a little blank, I tell myself. 

I want this year to be different. I spent the last two-ish years hustling, going big, trying to make all this *ish* happen. 

This time around, I want to relax. It feels like a deep exhale after holding my breath for far too long. I can look at the pages ahead in hopeful expectation, knowing I don’t have to have it all planned out, and more importantly, knowing that I can still have an amazing year without having to CRUSH any goals. 

(See Also: The Case for Not Setting Goals and What to Do Instead.)

Wrapping Up

I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating: I don’t know what’s next.

Those five words used to send me into a panic-induced frenzy. These days, I’m learning to view everything as an adventure. I’ve spent SO MANY YEARS holding on to things so dang tightly. Trying to plan the future and predict God’s plans for me.

It’s not worth my time or energy anymore trying to figure it out. Life is happening right here, right in front of me. And it’s delicious and beautiful and amazing.

I’m not going to miss it.