How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others and Just Do you.

I’m not sure where the whole comparison game starts for us humans.

At the age of 2, we’re just happy to have a snack and our sippy cup. But somewhere down the line – Somewhere between being blissfully happy with a sippy cup and muddling through our mid-30’s with 3 kids and spouse – We realize that not everything in life is the same.

When we’re little, we can already tell that others have better, shiner, newer toys than we do. As we age, we start to bring the comparison game to a whole new level: Cars, houses, jobs, and even down to the way other moms are parenting.

I sometimes think I’ve got this whole “comparison” thing under control, but my subconscious likes to trick me like that. Just when I think I’m doing pretty well, I’ll realize that my mind is silently whispering thoughts – LIES really – about how I stack up against others.

Ever had these lies enter your mind, too? If so, let me share what I’ve been learning lately.

God created you to be YOU. Celebrate that!

All the praise hands here!

When it comes to the comparison game, I’ve found it’s important to take things back to basics. We all know this message, right? We’ve been taught the same lesson since Sunday school: God made you special. God made you unique. God made you to be you, sis.

But I think we forget the second part of this point: Celebrating ourselves. (Fun, right?)

Think about it! God made JUST ONE YOU. Just one! You might have crazy curly and frizzy hair (🙋‍♀️), or enjoy reading more than sports, or have a heart for the city even though you were raised in a small town. Whatever it is. Whatever makes you, YOU, please do yourself a favor and celebrate your own uniqueness! You’re amazing, friend!

Sometimes this famous Dr. Seuss quote helps, too: “Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than YOU.” (And in case you were wondering, “cheesiness” is one of the things that make me, me. Soooo it’s gonna show up in my writing. This Dr. Seuss quote is case in point. #sorrynotsorry 😜)

Arm yourself with the truth.

What I mean here is: Stop buying into the lie that everyone else is somehow SOARING and you’re the only one on the struggle bus.

Listen, others Mamas are struggling, too. Other Moms are having bad days. Other women are out there being hard on themselves and worrying just like you. (I know because I’M CURRENTLY THE MOM AND WOMAN WE’RE TALKING ABOUT HERE.)

Shockingly, no one is perfect. (Except for God, but He’s not asking us to compare ourselves to Him, thankfully.)

So when those feelings of doubt start to creep in and that little voice in your head starts to say, “Well Janet down the street would never let her kids watch their iPads before dinner,” you just shut that voice down with the truth! Janet may not, but Janet probably has some big issues, too, that you just don’t know about. Oh, and also, you’re. not. Janet.

I don’t know how to reiterate this enough: WE’RE ALL STRUGGLING IN SOME AREA OR ANOTHER. To be transparent, you should know that right now I’m struggling with the balance of building a blog, working full-time, and still being the best mom and wife I can be. Most days, I’m dropping a ball somewhere and I tend to lose patience with my kiddos.

So, just know that even if we don’t talk about it, even if we do a great job of keeping everything squeaky clean on the outside, we’re all still struggling with something. Please don’t buy into this lie that somehow everyone else is “doing better” than you are!

Also, for you gals of faith, I think it’s important to check in with God and our faith-life when we start to feel the comparison trap coming on. There’s no better way to arm yourself with the truth to stop comparing yourself to others.

When we compare, we often lose our way.

I’ve personally gone through phases in life where I’ve felt very lost. Like I didn’t quite fit in anywhere or like I couldn’t figure out my place in friend groups, social gatherings, or jobs.

Looking back, I think one of the main reasons I felt so lost was because I wasn’t being true to myself. In every instance, I was getting caught up in what others where doing, what others thought, and what society and the world told me were my best options.

Luckily, I’ve done a lot of soul work and faith building to kind of work my way out of those old thought processes. (Don’t worry, the comparison trap still gets me from time to time, though!) One thing that’s helped me is considering what the world might lose if I’m not the person God created me to be.

Go with me here: Think about your closest circle. Think about your family, your spouse, your best friends. What would the people closest to you lose if you stopped being you? Or, what could you possibly bring to the table if you were fully you and didn’t dim your light to try to match it to someone else’s?

You see, when you start comparing yourself to others, the world misses out on the person you were made to be. And, as I mentioned in this post about the fear of judgment: The world needs you just as you are!

Now that we’ve done a deep dive into How to stop comparing yourself to others, here are some quick tips to put it into action:

1. Take a break from social media.

And not for 30 minutes every other Tuesday. I’m talking a REAL break. Actually delete the apps off your phone and walk away for a full 24 hours. Spend that time with family and friends completely distraction free. It’s. So. Refreshing. Try it!

2. Clean up your social media accounts to get rid of the negative.

Along the social media topic… try taking some time to revamp your social media feeds. I will occasionally go through and unfollow people who seem to share nothing but bad news and negativity.

And while Facebook allows me to see every article my friend of a friend of a friend shares (thanks, FB), Instagram can be a lot more streamlined, so you only see what you want and content from those that you follow. This has allowed me to keep my Instagram feed pretty positive and drama-free. It’s why you’ll find me hanging out there the most!

3. Surround yourself with others who breath life Into your soul, who are uplifting, and inspire you to want better for yourself.

YAAAASSSS! (<– Sorry, I get fired up sometimes and you can’t hear me yelling so I’m just going to have to type it out for you!)

One thing I’ve been hearing a lot about lately is women working to lift up other women. And I gotta say, I’M SO EXCITED TO SEE THIS MOVEMENT! If you’re finding that you’re the most positive one in your group, or if you leave a get-together feeling a little down-and-out rather than uplifted and encouraged, it’s time to find a new group, chica!

If I can encourage you with anything, it’s to go find your group. YOUR group. The group that loves on you and wants to see you killing it at life. I truly think finding the right people to do life with is the secret sauce to stop comparing yourself to others.

We rise by lifting others, y’all.

Wrapping Up.

Reading about how to stop comparing yourself to others is easy. Putting all these strategies to work and changing your mindset, however, can be challenging.

Let me just encourage you by saying: Stay in our own lane as you’re working to stop the comparison game. Don’t look around, instead look down at your own feet and feel grateful for where you are. Trust that God put you on this Earth for a reason and that He truly did create you to just BE YOU.

OVER TO YOU: Which one of these points resonated with you the most? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!