4 Things That Keep Us From Creating a Life We Love

One of my favorite follows on the ‘Gram is Caroline Lunne.

Not only does she run her own marketing agency that’s grown tremendously over the past couple of years, but she also shares super encouraging and uplifting stories about creativity and life.

One of her hot takes that I especially enjoy is her use of the hashtag, #likelife. Her point being that we don’t have to love everything about life, especially on this side of heaven, but we can do more to enjoy what we do have and what’s right in front of us.

But here’s where I want to lean in and encourage us to become bolder and more courageous…

What if we truly did love life?

What if we stopped holding ourselves back and just let ourselves love it? How would we do things differently? What would that look like? Would we love bigger, forgive sooner, let a lot more things roll off our shoulders, and start taking on those dreams we’ve been journaling about for years?

I’m not sure what this looks like for you personally, but if you’re keen on this idea of truly falling in love with life and living with a new zest for whatever comes your way, I have 4 things that might be keeping you stuck from getting there. These are things I’ve had to personally face, too, so I’m speaking from experience here.🥰

1. Fear

I think I could talk about fear forever because it’s typically the one thing I see that holds almost everyone back. (I should know, I let it hold me back for years.)

When it comes to fear, I’m not going to be one of those people to tell you to “punch fear in the face!” I won’t even tell you to face your fear or make it disappear.

Fear will always be there.

It’s what we choose to do despite fear that makes the difference.

I’ve heard fear described as a person in the passenger seat of a car and I can relate to that. Fear can come along for the ride, but it doesn’t get to drive. It doesn’t get to hold you hostage and it doesn’t get to call the shots or steer crazily into oncoming traffic.

Fear’s only job is to keep you safe. Unfortunately, this also means it wants to keep you from stepping outside your comfort zone because that’s unknown territory and it might be dangerous. And typically, going outside your comfort zone is what it takes to create a life you love. So it’s easy to see how these two opposing forces are working against each other to keep us stuck.

Here are a few fears I’ve personally found to be very strong + ways to place these guys in the passenger seat so they can stop controlling your life:

OPO’s

Also known as Other People’s Opinions. To date, this fear is the one that’s held me back the most. We worry so much about what other people will think of us. I could write a whole post on this one subtopic alone.

I’m not a scientist or historian, but I believe if you Google this topic, you’ll find information about how we, as humans, are wired to want to stay together with our group. (You know, like the caveman days. Herd mentality and such.) We want to be loved and accepted. We don’t want to be kicked out of our community. It’s the human condition.

However, if we let this desperation take hold of us in an unhealthy way, we’ll wind up never doing the things we wanted to do or were capable of. We won’t chase down our dreams with tenacity. We won’t fully become the people God created us to be.

If we’re not careful, we’ll miss out on living up to our true potential.

Let’s not let that be our story anymore, ok?

At some point, you will have to decide if creating a life you truly love is more or less important than what other people might think. It’s true, not everyone will agree with a few changes you make. Not everyone will get what you’re up to. You might lose people along your journey and I won’t sugarcoat it, it sucks. But I guarantee you’ll find new people who DO get it as you move along. You’ll open yourself up to a new community, a new group. And you’ll fall more in love with who you are along the way.

Financial Insecurity

Financial insecurity is a real thing.

If you’re considering taking a giant risk or leap in order to really create a life you love, I’m guessing finances play a part somewhere. There’s a reason why when someone goes big they call it “going for broke.”😳

The question then becomes: What can we do to mitigate this fear and move forward in faith anyway?

As you know, in my story of leaving my office job to become a freelancer/writer, I didn’t make the move right away. I couldn’t hang my family out to dry and simply hope for the best. I needed to have a plan, and I wanted to have proof that what I was envisioning was actually going to bring in a paycheck. (My hubby was thankful to have this proof, too!)

You can do the same.

If you feel like financial insecurity is the driving force behind why you’re not making some moves to create a life you love, then it’s time to make a plan.

You don’t have to have it all figured out, but what can you do to relieve some of that fear? Do you need to save up some money? Take on a second job? Maybe you need to simply switch to a job with higher pay. What moves can you make today to make financial insecurity a smaller fear tomorrow?

How Our Decisions Will Affect Others

This fear is near and dear to my heart.

As a mom + wife, some of the larger personal decisions I make affect my family. They just do. And knowing that can cause us to become paralyzed by fear.

Here’s where I’m going to flip the script and challenge your thinking, though: What if the decisions and changes you make affect your family in a positive way?

What if your family seeing you chase down a dream shows them that they can chase down their own dream one day, too? If you make some personal changes to start living with more joy and fulfillment, isn’t it possible that those positive vibes will create a ripple effect for your whole family?

Yes, have all the discussions you need to with your hubby. Explain what you want to do and why. Be open and honest. And then, instead of worrying about all the bad stuff that could happen, switch your thinking and your energy to focus on all the good stuff that could happen instead.

2. Ownership

No, I’m not talking about ownership over a pet or personal artifacts. I’m talking about ownership over our lives.

I believe that God’s calling all the shots. I trust that He’s got a roadmap in place and He’s working out all things for good. But also, He bestowed upon us a unique gift: willpower.

I think in order for us to get where we want to go (usually where God wants us to go, too), we have to understand and grasp the fact that we have a role to play, too. We get to make decisions. We get to choose our attitudes.

Yes, there will be external circumstances and events that we didn’t see coming. There will be bumps in the road and walls that will slow us down from time to time. There will be pivots and turns along the way. But we get to decide what to do with all that. We can stay stuck, constantly repeating all the reasons why something isn’t working out. (And some of those reasons might be very legit, mind you!)

Or, we can understand and exercise our own willpower to move forward anyway. If you want to create a life you love, you might need to start by acknowledging that you have more power than you think. This is your one life. YOUR life. Not your friend’s life, or your society’s life, or your family’s life, but yours. Take hold of that. Own it. Acknowledge it. And then you get to partner with God along the way! How cool is that?

3. Failing to Stay Present + Grateful

I will be honest, this is an area that I struggle with.

In fact, my desire to become more present and live a little simpler was how this entire blog was born. I knew I was struggling with finding joy in the mundane. I knew I wanted more to life than simply going through all the day-to-day actions.

Additionally, I’m a fierce believer in envisioning the future we want for ourselves. If we don’t know where we’re going and why we’re headed that way, our life purpose will feel muddled and frustrating.

But there’s also a fine line between envisioning and hoping for the future SO MUCH, that we forget to pause and be grateful + content with what we already have. This is another area where I have to remind myself to live in the “and.”

I can hope for the future AND be grateful for what I have today.

If I put all my focus into waiting for the future to make me happy, I’ll miss all the happiness that’s already in front of me. If you want to create a life you love, follow Caroline Lunne’s way of finding little ways to fall in love with the life that you already have. See the beauty around you. I don’t remember where I heard this quote, but I love it anyway: Put down your phone and pick up your life.

4. Low Self-Worth

If you would have asked me 10 years ago how I felt about my self-worth, I would have scoffed. It’s great! It’s fine! I’ve got this all under control! That’s not a problem for me!

However, this past year, self-worth was a hot topic during my therapy sessions. It turns out, I had a few little sneaky lies playing on repeat in the back of my mind that I didn’t even know existed. My low self-worth was formed from the incredible and nearly impossible-to-achieve standards that I had set for myself.

Sometimes what holds us back is simply the belief we have in ourselves. And, if you want to create a life you love, you will likely need to get out of your own way.

You are worthy. Not because you have the most experience or you’re the best person on the planet, but because God already said you’re worthy. You were created on purpose, for a purpose. And you are 100% worthy of discovering and living out what that looks like to you.

If you need a boost of momentum in this department, you can borrow an affirmation I’ve adopted recently: I am worthy of creating a life I love. Because, sweet friend, you are.

Wrapping Up.

Unfortunately, creating a life we love likely won’t magically fall into place. This is something we will have to be intentional about. It will require us to choose a lovely life again and again. Despite the fear, the limiting beliefs, and the disappointment that we thought life would look differently than it does right now.

But I still wholeheartedly believe it’s worth it. It’s worth it to fall in love with this beautiful gift of life. It’s worth it to come home to yourself and radiate joy in a way that everyone around you can feel.

If you’re tired of feeling stuck and ready to take more action, I have a free resource for you! Click here to download my super simple 5-step roadmap for getting unstuck. It’s time to break free.