How to Spend Intentional Time with Your Kids When Life is Busy.
If you’re reading this in real time, I’m probably walking out the door with my hubby to take the fam on a much needed 9 day getaway.
Yes, you read that correctly, we’re going on a 9 day long family vacation.
You’re probably thinking, 9 DAYS?? Are you insane?
And the answer would be, YES. Yes, I do feel a little insane taking a trip knowing we’ll get exactly ZERO breaks from each other for 9. STRAIGHT. DAYS.😳
I guarantee there will be 6,437 sibling arguments, a time or 100 of me losing patience, a toddler who will most likely cry on the daily, and a bajillion begs to get in the water.
BUT ALSO.
There will be time well spent around a fire pit, the magic of nighttime boat rides, the kids’ first trip to an Amusement Park, and more sunny, electronic free days than we’ve had all summer combined.
I’m not sure if it was the fact that both my older two kiddos got to play ball this summer, or if it’s because our youngest will start Pre-School in the fall (be still my heart!), but I felt like I got hit with a ton of bricks this year realizing how old our kiddos are getting. And we didn’t get to take a family vacation last year, so it just feels like the time is dwindling!
I want more than anything right now to focus on intentional time with the kids. You and me, Mama… How lucky are we that we get this short time to pour into our kiddos? To take on adventure and build memories together?
I know I’m getting a little sentimental and sappy over here. But the truth is, if I don’t take the time to focus on my relationships with the kids, then I can’t expect our relationships to blossom.
Just like the friendships that I talked about in last week’s post, if we don’t do the tending, we can’t expect growth.
So, if you’re feeling a little sentimental, too, and looking for a few new ways to bond, here’s what I’m working on to spend intentional time with the kiddos:
Find little pockets During the day to chat.
Call this realization #1: There won’t always be a PERFECT time for me to chat with my kids. If I wait until everything’s quiet and we both have undivided attention, we probably won’t find the time to chat at all.
So, I’ve discovered that I need to use any small little pocket of time I have. Right now, time in the car together is where it’s at!
We live in a small enough town that my “commute” is more like a 6 block drive round trip. But I still have to get the kiddos to daycare or school each morning, so when we’re in the car, I try to keep the radio off and engage in conversation.
If you’re looking to put this into practice for yourself, try to think of any small pockets during the day that you can use to engage with your kiddos. Maybe when you’re all in the car together you crank up the radio and belt out the lyrics to a song you all love. Or maybe breakfast is a better time to chat.
Whatever the small pockets of time look like for you, don’t be afraid to lean in to spend intentional time with your kids.
Make Dinner time Conversation Time.
The first part of this summer has been largely spent at a ball field, or driving to to a ball field, or getting someone to practice on a ball field. (Can you sense a theme here??)
Truth be told, we haven’t had a ton of dinners where we’ve been able to just sit and enjoy and chat. Sometimes we’re eating in the car and sometimes we’re short a family member at dinner time.
Even so, and no matter how crazy our schedule looks, I have found dinner time to be one of the best ways to spend intentional time with kids. (Maybe it’s because they’re forced into sitting down and being still long enough to actually talk, who knows.😉)
Studies have shown that dinner time is one of the best ways to bond as a family. And while this isn’t done perfectly every night of the week, I still try to use every chance I get.
I ask the kids a lot of questions. Sometimes I don’t get much for answers (and during school, I swear the best part of every day is recess), but in the end I know it’s worth it.
I know dinner time can be crazy, especially during these busy months of summer. PLEASE don’t beat yourself up if family dinners just aren’t a thing right now in your season of life! Just try to use what time you have, even if it looks like ice cream around the table when all the ball games are done and your family is together.
Plan a family Fun Day or Activity.
As mentioned, we’re on our way out the door for a family vacation at the end of this week. However, I really want to make sure you know that spending intentional time with kids doesn’t have to be a big, elaborate trip, vacation, or THING.
What I’ve found to be most important is to just have some FUN together every once in a while!
Sometimes it looks like a vacation, sometimes it looks like a day trip, and sometimes it looks like setting up your tent in the back yard. Normally at our house, summer is simply spent around an inflatable pool in the back yard. Sure it sounds a little redneck, but the kids play while mom and dad sip cocktails so everyone wins!😬
Whatever it is that sounds fun to you and your fam, don’t forget to add it in when you can. Having fun together is the ultimate way to bond. Plus, your kids need to see you enjoying life and laughing, too, mama.❤️
Do One-On-One Dates, Even if it’s just running errands.
I’m not the best at carving out specific one-on-one time with my kiddos. My bestie is SO GOOD at this and she inspires me to be better!
I do, however, think a lot can be said for the small one-on-one moments of everyday life. Maybe finding the time is simpler than we think.
For instance, I’ve had some of the best conversations while I’m at the grocery store with just one of my kiddos. My oldest especially opens up more when it’s just the two of us, and it also makes me realize how grown up she’s getting!
Busyness seems inevitable in this phase of life. Maybe you, too? If so, remove the stress of planning a major one-on-one date with your kiddo and simply take one of them with you the next time you run errands. Time together is never wasted.
Work on Really listening when they talk.
Colton likes to chat. And THAT is an understatement. The kid can TAAAAALK. So I have to watch myself because sometimes my facial expression says, “For the love of all things good and holy, PLEASE STOP TALKING!” It’s exhausting. I’m not exaggerating. Ask his dad.
Needless to say, really listening is an area of mine that could use some work.
I cannot for the life of me remember where I read this years ago, but on some sort of parenting article it talked about how listening to the little things when they’re young, translates into your kiddo coming to you to listen when they get older. I haven’t forgotten the importance of that. Even when it can be tough to focus when you’re hearing a story for the 18th bajillion time and your 6-year-old hasn’t forgotten a single detail.
Regardless, I’ll keep working on this one as a way to spend intentional time with my kids. I’m hoping that by focusing on listening now, they’ll more willing to come to me as they get older and have big, important things to talk about.
Use bed time as a chance to ask them final questions about their day.
As I’ve written in other posts, when 8:00 hits, I’m done for the day. I’m ready to unwind and relax and dragging out the kids’ bedtime usually leaves me feeling a little irritated.
But there is one thing I’ve been trying to be more mindful about at night. And that’s asking both of my older kiddos, one-on-one, if they have anything else they want to ask or say before going to sleep.
By now you know that my middle kiddo is a Chatty Kathy so this can obviously open a can of unwanted worms. BUT. I also feel like the kids need an opportunity to get anything that’s bothering them off their chest before they drift off to sleep.
I’ve especially found this helpful with my oldest. Makenna’s at an age where she’s starting to really notice different social situations. Sometimes this is the only chance she has to tell me a story about her day. Sometimes she doesn’t have anything to say. And sometimes, she shares a moment that bothered her or made her feel sad. But every time she gives me a chance to comfort her or listen, I’m reminded of why I ask. It’s worth it.
Wrapping Up.
The main thing I hope you take away from this article is that spending intentional time with your kids doesn’t have to be this whole, big THING. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or super planned out.
Honestly I think it just looks like being present with them in the boring, old, everyday life moments.
Now wish us luck on our 9 days of SUPER close family time! (Send prayers.😉)
**OVER TO YOU: Which one of these topics resonated with you the most? Which will you try first? Let me know in the comments below!
