How to Manage Unwanted Change

About 2 or so months ago, before the pandemic hit and the schools closed, I would come home over my lunch hour from work and have the whole house to myself.

That hour was GLORIOUS. I could get so much accomplished! In that one hour I would eat, catch up on social, swap loads of laundry, pick up the living room and kids’ rooms, and unload the dishwasher all in pure silence. I could get more done in that hour than I could get done ALL EVENING when I was home with the whole fam.

As we know, things changed. Now my kids are home all day every day and my lunch hour is spent cranking out PB&J’s while trying to stuff my own face before the babysitter returns and I have to get back to work. It’s awesome that I get a little extra time to see my kids during the day. It really is. But also, I MISS MY LUNCH HOUR!

I miss the silence. I miss checking a few tasks off my list so I wouldn’t have to try to do them at 5 when I also needed to make dinner and while all 3 kids are begging for snacks. That lunch hour was the little space I needed to refuel for an afternoon of work. Now I feel like I’m just rushing home and rushing back.

This wasn’t a change I asked for, but it happened none the less. And really, most changes are unwelcome, aren’t they? This is especially true now. Pretty sure no one planned for a global pandemic or had “COVID-19” on their Christmas list.

So how do we manage life when unwanted change comes swooping in? I don’t have all the answers, I know that. But here’s what I’ve discovered to be helpful.

Before we dive in, it’s important to note that this is a weird time. And with that comes points we’ve already discussed, like how it’s important to give yourself loads of grace and how it’s ok if you’re not feeling super positive all the time.

So yes, managing unwanted change is necessary because change is unavoidable in life, but don’t give up hope if you’re not really to this level yet or you’re trying and it’s just not going the way you thought it would.

IT’S A GLOBAL PANDEMIC. Give yourself grace and take your time. You’ll get there. Promise. ❤️

The only thing that’s certain is uncertainty.

Nothing sheds more light on this point than living through a global pandemic, am I right? 😑

Confession: I can be a bit of a control freak. I don’t really like to admit this and I spent A LOT of years denying this fact, but the truth still remains. I like schedules. I like time lines. I like having a plan and knowing what to expect. Surprises (aka unwelcome changes) are not fun for me.

But this pandemic swooped in like a punch to the gut and reminded me of the truth: Even when I think I have control, I actually don’t.

I used to be able to go to the grocery store any time I wanted – with or without kids in tow. I used to be able to load the family up in the car and run errands in Omaha. I used to be able to go out to eat. AT A RESTAURANT. I used to be able to have my hair colored every 8 weeks. These seem like such silly, #firstworldproblems, I know. But I used to have a choice. I used to have a schedule.

When everything I knew and the schedule I had planned went up in smoke, it totally threw me for a loop. This is my personal opinion so maybe it doesn’t apply to you, but I honestly think that’s why we’re all feeling a bit emotionally unstable. We feel like we don’t have control.

But when we’re honest with ourselves, we already know: We never really had control in the first place. We just thought we did.

Ug. Trust me, I know this is a tough pill to swallow. It’s no fun being reminded that we don’t actually have as much control over our lives as we thought we did. Turns out God’s still there and still actually has the final say. 😉(Yes, that was a bit of sarcasm.)

So, the first and arguably the most important thing we can do when we’re attempting to embrace change is come to terms with the fact that change can happen without our permission. Despite our best efforts and despite our planning. (Hopefully it doesn’t show up as a global pandemic again, though. FOR REALS.)

Think about the positives that have come from past changes.

Now that we’ve covered that change is inevitable, it’s important to learn some cool Jedi mind tricks that can help us when an unwanted change arises. (P.S. Sorry for the Jedi reference. The kids are home a lot right now and on a Star Wars kick and it’s apparently showing up in my writing. Gah.🤦‍♀️)

One thing that’s helped me when I’m feeling down from unavoidable change swooping in, is to think of the hard times I’ve made it through before.

On my 16th birthday, I was informed that my dad had taken a new job and we were going to have to move to a new town. Moving halfway through my sophomore year of high school was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But I made it though! And I made it through when we moved and changed schools before that when I was 10, and I made it through a whole year of college 8 hours away when I didn’t know a single soul, and I made it through every single job change I’ve ever taken. (And there’s been a lot. Trust me.)

So, let me be your little reminder: You’ve already endured crazy changes! You’ve already done hard things, I know it! Don’t discount what you’ve already had to work through and come out on the other side of. You can do hard things. It doesn’t make them fun, I know. But you can do them.

When you’re in the change, the change doesn’t feel good, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a good thing in the long run. Reminding yourself of the tough stuff you’re already walked though helps to reinforce the fact that you’ll get through this, too, friend.

Use this Interruption in your schedule to try something new.

A lot of people have agreed that one good thing has come from this weird phase of life: Cleared schedules.

More time has been made for family and togetherness than every before. And the best part is that cancelled plans have given us room to breath. Room to not feel rushed or stressed, and definitely room to take a little extra time on YOU.

Going through a big change is the perfect time to reconnect with yourself and do some soul searching. What is it you’d like to try? What did you always want to do when you were younger, but never gave it a chance? What have you wanted to learn but you’ve never had enough time? Right now, you’ve been given an opportunity to do a little soul searching and rediscover what it is you truly love and enjoy.

I’m willing to bet that you’ve got a little extra time on your hands, and what better way to spend it than to learn something new about yourself? Or to take a little time to do something just because you want to? Or try something just out of pure joy?

Now’s your chance, friend! Don’t be afraid to try something new.

Think about how you want to come out of this phase of life.

I’m NOT a fan of this quarantine. No way. No how. But I still believe that something good can come out of every single low point we experience.

I think the same is true of any major life change that we go through. We have two options: Make the best of it and come out swinging, or shrink back and give up.

Now, please remember that this still doesn’t mean that every day will be a fairy tale. Far from it actually, if we’re being honest. But it does mean that the way you react to this – The way you view this change – Can be the leading factor in what your life looks like 6 months from now. Or a year from now. Or 10 years from now.

So, just be sure that at some point you ask yourself: How do I want to spend this time? And how do I want to look back on this phase of life?

Take the next small step forward.

When all else fails, take the next tiny step forward and do the next right thing.

Change is HARD. And more often than not, change is unwelcome. We’re not looking for it. It falls in our lap. Which means that some days will be great, and some days will be the actual worst.

On those really hard days as you’re muddling through an unwanted change, don’t dwell on trying to conquer the world. Don’t beat yourself up if you thought you’d be further along or feel better/more in control by now.

Please remember: Everyone is on their own journey. No one’s plan at this point looks like another’s. When things get hard, don’t look around. Look up, say some prayers, remember that God’s got you, and then do the next small thing you can.

Wrapping Up.

Managing an unwanted change is not an easy thing to do. Unexpected changes can leave us feeling sad, down, frustrated, confused… you name it. But if we change the way we look at the change and the way we react to it, that can make all the difference.

***OVER TO YOU: How do you handle unexpected changes or which one of these tips helped you the most? Comment below!***