What to do When Life isn’t Going as Planned

If you haven’t had a chance to read my short story on the About page yet, I’d like to fill you in on a portion of my past: 2017 was a ROUGH YEAR for me.

Not everything that happened that year was terrible (obviously because our our sweet baby Brooks was born in December), but truth be told, most of the year was overshadowed with complete and udder uncertainty.

I was personally struggling, my relationships were rocky, and I wasn’t my usual upbeat and positive self. (Because the majority of the year I was pregnant, hormonal, and straight up cranky. #justbeinghonest) And for a person who usually had strong goals and things to shoot for, I spent the year feeling a little lost on direction.

Luckily, this story isn’t all doom and gloom. Fast forward two years to 2019 and I’m happy to report that my life has flipped a 180 and I’m feeling the best about myself that I have in quite possibly forever.

Coming out of the darkness of 2017 taught me two things:

1. The only thing predicable about life is that it’s unpredictable
2. Even though you might be muddling through a difficult time right now, it. will. get. better. I swear to you.

So if you’re going through a tough phase right now and you’re not really sure how to handle the things that are being thrown at you, I thought I’d share the 2 things that helped me:

Give up what’s out of your control.

Guys, please know that I don’t say this lightly.

I am the QUEEN of trying to keep things in my control. I like order. I like to know what’s going to happen next. And I definitely don’t like any surprises. So you can about imagine how I take it when I’m left reeling from an unexpected life event that came out of left field.

Just know that I know that this is really tough stuff.

But I also believe that this is where faith comes in. Even though it’s really, really freaking difficult to stop wanting to control the situation, this is where we have to let go and trust that God has a plan and this will work out the way He planned it. It might not be the way we planned it of course, but I suppose that’s part of the “letting go” process.

Another thing that helps is to look back on tough phases from your past. Where there times in your history when things were out of your control, but you made it through anyway? Looking back at what you’ve already overcome can give you hope that this current phase of your life will pass, too, and you will come out shining on the other side, just like you have before.

Think about what is in your control.

When things start to feel off track, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. We want to fix everything. We want to keep ALL THE THINGS in order. We want to see everything go back to normal.

From past experiences, I’ve noticed that when we try so dang hard to “keep it all together,” we usually end up on the opposite end of the spectrum – We kind of lose it all and stuff just falls apart. In our effort to try so hard to keep everything in our control, we lose focus. And lost focus causes us to drop all the balls we’re trying to keep in the air.

So once you start to feel that overwhelm breathing down your neck, I think it helps to take a step back. Take a deep breath. And understand that you’re not going to fix everything. Instead, try to think of the small things that you CAN work on.

For me, what helps is to make a list of the small, yet daily routines and goals that I’m actually able to keep a good grasp on. Things like:

1. My health. As in, exercising and eating healthy. While I may not be able to fix the big, hard things going on in life, I can still take care of myself by doing what’s best for my body.
2. Personal goals. If external forces are causing me to go through a rocky period, I think about a small personal goal that I want to focus on. What’s something I can do? What’s a goal I’ve wanted to accomplish for a long time but haven’t focused on?
3. Letting off the gas pedal. i.e. slowing down. I remember to read more and scroll less through social media. I look at my calendar and realize that I need to back off some obligations if I’m going through a stressful season of life.

The main point I’m trying to make is to think about what you can do for yourself today that’s important to you and within your grasp. Try focusing on the 24 hours right in front of you and think about what you can do with this day that would be positive and bring joy to your soul.

The beauty of focusing on the small things that are in your control is that it helps to take the focus off of the issues at hand that you can’t change. Even small victories can help us feel motivated and like it’s not ALL falling apart, even though we might be going through a rough patch in another area of life.

Wrapping up.

I’m praying right now that things are going pretty well for you, my friend.

But if this article finds you in a downward time of your life, then let me tell you what I wish I could go back and tell my 2017 self: You won’t be in this phase forever. I promise things will get better. Things will get easier. Life won’t always be so difficult. There is hope!

Have you found any other tips that help ease the pain when life isn’t going as planned? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below!