The Benefits of Prioritizing Your Life when Everything Feels Important

Before I became a Mom, I was 100% certain what kind of Mom I would be.

I would be patient. Always. I would never be late and my kiddos would be perfectly dressed at all times. And workouts? Oh those would still be easy to keep up with. Along with house chores, my job, cooking, etc.

Bless.

Cleary, I didn’t have a CLUE what motherhood would be like before I became one. But my expectations were certainly high.

When actual, real life motherhood came in and I realized it wasn’t ANYTHING like I thought it would be, I had to take a hard left and ask myself, could I keep up with all the things?

Shockingly, the answer was a resounding NO. No, I couldn’t keep up on all the things. (I know you’re totally surprised by my discovery!😉)

Now that I’ve accepted that truth, I’ve spent the last several years figuring out what to do about it. Since I (obviously) can’t keep on all the things, how am I going to focus on what really matters?

Here’s where I’ve learned the benefits of prioritizing.

The Expectation.

First, we need to talk about the elephant in the room: Our expectations.

I’m not sure where the expectation that we have to do it all comes from.

Part of it undoubtedly has to com from social media. While I still believe in the good that can come from connecting online, I also believe it sets up unrealistic expectations about what the “perfect” wife/mom/sister/friend/fill-in-the-blank would do.

I also think that as women, we tend to create unrealistic expectations in our own minds. There’s no formal person out there actually telling us we have to be super woman. Yes, there’s subtle marketing that can make us feel that way, but it’s also up to us to not let it.

We are the ones playing the comparison games in our own minds. We are the ones pushing ourselves to work out more, slay it at our careers, never ask for help, and create the perfect Pinterest-worthy birthday party for our littles. (This is an extreme example, but you get the point.)

This is hard to say, (and as a fellow woman, I don’t want to admit it) but I truly think it’s us.

Maybe God wired us differently. (On second thought, He FOR SURE wired us differently.) Maybe it stems from not wanting to let others down. I really don’t know where this feeling of having to do it all and do it all perfectly comes from. I can only tell you I’ve definitely felt it myself, and in conversations with friends, I know I’m not alone.

Where Prioritizing Comes In.

I am a huge fan of the show Parks and Rec. SO. GOOD. Cory gives me a hard time because I will always choose to rewatch episodes of this show over finding a new show. What can I say? I know what I like! 😉

Anyway, in one particular episode, the main character (Leslie Knope) is working full-time while also trying to run for City Council. Her boss, Ron Swanson, offers a piece of advice at the end. I apologize in advance for the language, but this quote won’t be the same without it. He tells her:

“Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.”

Arguably the best Ron Swanson quote of all time, but I digress.

The point is, as women and mamas, we tend to try to take on the world, don’t we? Yes, there’s a chance we can do it all, but I don’t believe we can do it all well.

The Importance of Prioritizing.

From past experience, I know that when I take on too much, my life starts to feel unbalanced. It’s unbalanced because I’m losing focus of what’s most important to me.

This is where prioritizing has come to the rescue and helped me see the forest through the trees. Because when I’m intentional about what I can not only do, but do WELL, life feels less stressful.

I created a list, but on Mallory Ervin’s recent podcast episode her guest, Madi Nelson, puts her priorities into buckets.

Buckets, lists, bullet points; any of these are great options! The point is to set priorities for yourself. Because once you do, it gets so much easier to say no to the things that didn’t make the list. This also helps to loosen the grip and mindset that we have to do all the things for all the people.

My top priorities (in no particular order).

This is in no way an attempt for me to try to tell you what you should be prioritizing, but in my experience, seeing an example helps to spark some ideas.

Right now I have 4 main priorities. I think a couple times a year I mentally check in on these and tweak or adjust as needed. Here’s what I’m currently prioritizing:

• Relationships. This includes God and my close friends. Does this mean I’m always the best at reaching out to others? NOPE. I still have 3 kids! But I also know that if I don’t put time into my closest relationships, they won’t flourish.
• My family. This is the deepest, hardest work. But also the legacy-building work that will outlast me.
• My health. I’ve discovered that the healthier I am, the more energy I have to give to others.
• Creating fulfilling work. To me, this means putting something creative out into the world using my God-given gifts. (See: This blog.😊)

How to choose your priorities.

I highly, highly encourage you to do the work of setting priorities for yourself. Maybe you’ve already been mulling this idea round and you can have a short list ready in minutes, but if not, here are a few questions to ask yourself to get started:

• What is truly the most important to me?
• Are there roles/jobs/titles that will outlast me?
• What do I want others to say about me after I’m gone? (Morbid, I know, but go with me.)
• How do I want others to feel when they are with me?
• What do I want my kids to remember me for?
• What legacy do I want to leave behind after I’m gone?

I know these questions seem deep, but please don’t let this overwhelm you! You do NOT need a long list. I actually suggest not picking more than 5. If you have more than that, everything starts to feel like a priority which means nothing’s a priority. Ya know?

But please don’t be afraid to do the work on this. Especially if you’re already on the edge of burnout. Take a few minutes, shut everything down, embrace the quiet, and journal. Write what comes to mind. Sort out your thoughts. I promise this is good work and it will be worth it.

The Practice of Letting Go.

If you’ve taken the time to itemize your priorities, first of all, good for you! Second, now comes the logical question: How do I do the work of clearing a few things off my plate that AREN’T priorities?

This is the hardest step, hands down. This is where we have to be ok with loosing some control and opening our hands to release some things we tend to white knuckle more than we need to. Below is a list of ways you can begin to free yourself up. Some of these are things I’ve personally done, and some are ideas I have for future me.😊 Please feel free to take some of these and use them for yourself!   

5 Ways to Remove what’s not a priority:

• Hire a cleaner or service for your home. We have someone come once a month to do deep cleaning in the kitchen and bathroom, and let me tell you, it’s worth its weight in gold. If you can afford to do this, go for it. If you can’t right now, is there somewhere you can change your budget to make this work?
• The need to be perfect at things that ultimately don’t matter. I’m still a work in progress on this one for sure. For example, I spent a significant amount of time attempting to purchase supplies for and bake THE PERFECT 2-tiered red velvet cake for a church function this weekend when I could have just made a dozen cupcakes and called it good.
• Say no. As a semi-recovering “yes” person, I can tell you that this is not as easy as it sounds. Especially if you suffer from FOMO like I do! But I try to remind myself that saying yes to one thing means saying no to something else. And if saying yes to something means saying no to something on my priority list, then I need to pass it up. Even if it sounds fun.
• Tune out social media. When the online chatter starts messing with your brain and you’re tempted to start playing the comparison game, it’s time to take a break. It’s ok to delete your apps if you need to!
• Be confident in your priorities and understand that not everyone will feel the same. Again, easier said than done, right? Sometimes what we value won’t align with what others in our life value. And this is where we have to stay strong and confident in our decisions.  

I can confidently say that learning to let expectations go is more of a marathon than a sprint. I still have moments when I do things out of the thought that I should or I need to rather than embracing what’s truly important to me and letting these expectations go.  

Wrapping Up.

I’m still learning to let go of the expectation that I have to do it all. And mostly what I can tell you is that I’m simply a work in progress. Some days I feel like I’m rocking it, and some days I feel like I’m on the struggle bus.