My Fear of Dreaming Bigger {Lessons from The Artist’s Way}

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A couple of weeks ago, I picked up The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. 

I thought I was picking up a book about living more creatively; full of stories about art and life. I guess I don’t know what gave me that idea, but the title had me believing that this was an inspirational read.

A brief flip of the pages, however, proved otherwise. While yes, the book contains stories and inspiration, what I purchased was a straight-up workbook. You’ll note the emphasis on the first half of that word. (I guess I should spend more time reading subtitles lol.)  

So far, most of the work has involved dredging up and investigating limiting beliefs from my past. And these nagging little beliefs all circle around the same question: When did I quit dreaming so big?

At what point did I put down the pencil, or the paintbrush, or the camera in lieu of settling for other things? When did I start taking life so GD seriously? When did I start choosing socially acceptable options over plain old fun?  

Here’s a little snippet of what I’m learning: 

I Will Avoid Disappointment at All Costs

As kiddos, we’re told time and time again to dream big! “Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.” 

Even though we heard all the inspiring (and inevitably cheesy) quotes from childhood, another factor comes into play as we age into adulthood: disappointment. And I mean disappointment on a large scale, not just our mom’s telling our little 7-year-old selves that we can’t have dessert after dinner because we didn’t clean our plates.

I mean disappointment like the loss of a loved one, a layoff, bankruptcy, or the harsh side-effects of someone else’s decision that was out of our control. 

Disappointment sucks.

We’ve all been burned in some way before. We’ve all had experiences that didn’t go the way we thought they would. And, I’ll be the first to say, that I’m not all that interested in inviting this kind of pain into my life again.

Because what if I name what I want, and it doesn’t end up happening? What if I get super clear and dare to dream bigger, only to watch everything I hope for fall through? 

I’ll get pain and disappointment.

Hard pass. 

It’s honestly easier to just go with the flow and never put my energy or hope into anything because then there’s never anything to be disappointed about. It’s easier to play it safe. 

But Also… is “Playing it Safe” Really the Way I Want to Live? 

This is the question. 

Playing it safe just sounds so… boring? Void of adventure? Adult-ish? 

But it is also safe. And safe feels good. It might not be the most exciting, but it’s comfortable. Safe makes us feel like we have control. 

I tend to come at everything with an energy of “well if it worked out, that would be cool” instead of a fiery “I can’t wait till this happens because good things are coming my way!”

This is my cautious way of hoping for the best, yet planning for the worst. Of anticipating the other shoe to drop. 

When I dig a little deeper into this mindset, however, I realize that I miss having something to be excited about. I keep my expectations low so I can avoid disappointment. I let fear of the “what ifs” run the gamut.

If I continue to tiptoe around this, then I lack the strong energy I need to pursue something really exciting. I miss out on the chance to remove my limitations, if only for a few moments, so I can get an idea of what might be possible. I hold myself back from dreaming bigger.

Maybe There’s Power in Naming What I Want 

Naming what I want is scary.

“Shooting my shot” sounds super cool and inspirational, but then it means I have to actually do something about it. I have to move toward what I say I want. And, most importantly, I have to live with the disappointment and discomfort if the thing I say I want doesn’t work out.

But also…

Not naming what I want will only lead me to an ambiguous and aimless life.

Have you ever had to complete a project at work, but the person in charge couldn’t see the end goal and wasn’t brave enough to get clear on their vision? It can be really frustrating for everyone else involved when this happens.

I think not naming what we want has us looking and feeling like this. A little lost, a little bored, and a little irritable.

Yes, naming what I want requires me to take some action and mentally deal with the fallout of unexpected bumps along the way. My journey could lead to disappointment and discomfort, and I’ll certainly have to face some fears + limiting beliefs along the way.

But gosh, what an adventure. And not to mention it would be a journey of focus instead of ambiguous dilly-dallying around.

I can’t think of anything more powerful than knowing what we want, and really going for it despite what may happen along the way.

Wrapping Up

I’ll be honest, I have no idea if anything I’m saying here makes sense or is resonating. Maybe these are just the ramblings of a nearly middle-aged woman, knee-deep into Julia Cameron’s amazing, but intense workbook for creativity.

I guess if anything, I’m learning to not only get out of my own way but to also give myself permission to explore a few long-lost dreams. I’m learning to commit to something and name what I want instead of just hoping for the best while simultaneously avoiding disappointment.

Cheers to dreaming bigger, friends!🍻