How to Let Go of the Fear of Judgement
Confession time: One of my biggest hangups in life ever has been the fear of judgement.
Just reading that “fear of judgement” phrase makes me cringe. Because if you’ve had any experiences with this unfriendly fear, then you know how crippling it can be. You know how icky it can make you feel and how much it can rule over your life.
And even when you think you’ve gotten it under control, you’ll wake up one morning to realize you’ve been holding back from doing something big and great and exciting and very YOU because of the same old question:
What will people think of me?
Listen, the fear of judgement is LEGIT, ya’ll. I’ve lived it, I’ve felt it, and I’ve had to work my way though it.
So, before we dive into this article, I need you to grab a cup of coffee and trust me on 3 things:
- I don’t have a step-by-step one size fits all solution for finally conquering the fear of judgement. I’m not going to pull the wool over your eyes and make you believe I have all the answers. (You can verify with my hubby. I’m pretty sure he’d tell you that I, in fact, do NOT have all the answers. On anything really.😉)
- I’m not sure the fear of judgement is something that ever completely eludes us. I’m WAYYY better at this now than I was in high school (thank the heavens!), but I still find this fear creeping back in from time to time. (Sorry, that may not be the answer you’re looking for, but hang with me!)
- I believe the best way you can tackle this fear is to change your mindset and shift how you think about other people thinking about you. (Clear as mud?)
The key in all of this is learning how to change your mindset, friend. You might totally kick the fear of judgement to the curb in one area of your life, only to find it creeping back in somewhere else. So when it does, start CHANGING THE WAY YOU THINK by focusing on the following:
Remember that the Fear of Judgement Only Holds us back.
What will people think? What will they think if I fail? Will they think I’m dumb? If I succeed at something, will they think I’m a know-it-all or a show off?
GIRL. The thoughts swirling around in this head of mine are relentless some days. And if I let this fear take control, the noise can get SO LOUD, I decide not to move forward on anything. At all. Because if we don’t do something new, then what reason do people have to judge us, right?
See how this fear can hold us back? If we let it take control, we stop ourselves from doing anything outside the norm. We allow this fear to have the power over us.
The world needs Us just as We are!
It really does! If the world needs me and my tiny voice and written word, then the world needs you, too, friend. God created you just as you are!
Putting myself out there with writing and even Instagram posts has always found a way to create a little fear in me. When you open yourself up to the world, you’re also opening yourself up to judgement. (Holy vulnerability 😳)
But think if everyone lived into the fear of judgement. I guarantee there would be a whole lot less advancements made in the world if everyone stopped what they were doing because they might get judged.
So if there’s something you love and feel you were created to do, please PLEASE do it. The world needs you to be who you are!
Most “judgements” are assumptions we make up in our own minds.
Repeat after me: “People aren’t judging about me as much as I think they are.”
I’ve come to realize that this point probably makes up 80% of the fear of judgement. (And yes that’s a statistic I pulled right out of the air. Roll with it.😉)
Truthfully, though. The fear of judgement is most often just a fear we put on ourselves by placing words or thoughts into other people’s heads. More than likely, people aren’t making any judgements against us. WE JUST ASSUME THEY ARE.
We assume we know what someone is thinking. We assume so-and-so is talking about us. We assume, we assume, we assume. Listen, stop assuming! Great Aunt Jane is not talking about you, and neither is Susan who lives across the street. Don’t get wrapped up in assumptions!
“Other people’s opinions of you are none of your business.”
Ya’ll. You knew I was going to quote Rachel Hollis at some point in this post, right? I mean, how could I not? She’s literally THE QUEEN of teaching people how to get over the fear of judgement!
So, I’m not going to rehash what she’s already written. Let me just say one thing: Once you embrace the fact that other people’s opinions of you are none of your business, life becomes very freeing.
Once you quit worrying about what everyone is thinking, not much can hold you back. Because other people’s opinions aren’t TRUTH. So thank you, Rachel Hollis, for rocking my world with this thought. It’s truly a game changer.
Think about your Legacy.
I know this point sounds a little preachy and very personal development-y (did I just make up a word?), but follow me for a second.
Thinking about the legacy – the lessons I want to leave behind – usually moves me away from the fear of judgement and into doing the thing I was created to be doing.
So let’s think about this another way instead of using the word legacy: Think about the impact you want to leave on the world, your community, or your household. Is that impact, that legacy, bigger than the small views of the people who may or may not be judging you?
Game-changer, right? This all kind of circles back to the first point of how the fear of judgement can really hold us back. Don’t let it hold you back from the legacy you want to leave behind! *Ok, personal development speech now over.*
Wrapping Up.
I can’t say I have it all figured out or have it all together. Girl, please! This is probably something I’ll battle to some degree the rest of my life if I’m being honest. But I have seen a glimpse of how freeing it can be to live fully into who I am and let go of the fear of other people’s opinions. I plan to keep leaning into this, keep stretching outside my comfort zone, and keep pushing forward, even though the fear is still there.
And as one last little nugget of truth, I’ll just say that the only opinion that REALLY TRULY matters is your own and God’s anyway. Beyond that, everything else just kind of fades away. Don’t miss a chance to make a difference in your life because you let fear get in the way. You got this, sis!
**OVER TO YOU: Have you ever struggled with the fear of judgement? Which one of these points resonated with you the most? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below!
