A Graceful Reminder: You’re Not Behind In Life

Do you ever pause for a second and just wonder, holy crap! How the heck did I get here?

“Here” as in a wife and mama to 3 littles with a home and a career (not just a job) and school drop-offs and grocery store trips. I SWEAR to you, I just graduated college yesterday and plan to start my first full-time job. At least that’s how I feel. I’m actually on job number, like 5 since then.

I often think back to what I’d tell the younger me. What I’d assure her of. Would I tell her about all the surprises she had in store? Would I withhold the bad news to keep her positive?

One thing I’d really tell myself if I had a time machine and the chance: You’re not behind.

I look back on my 20’s and realize that all I wanted to do was check things off the list in an effort to keep up with my friends. Marriage, jobs, college graduation, homes. I remember being so scared I’d be behind in life in some way!

Ever felt this way, too?

Today, I’m preaching to my younger self + anyone else that feels like they’re behind in some way, too.

We Can’t Control the Timing of Everything.

So many times throughout my kids’ younger years, I wished for time to pass quickly so we could get on to the next stage.

If only Makenna would sit up on her own.

If only Colton would start crawling or walking.

If only Brooks could feed himself.

If only we were out of the diaper stage.

If only these kids could shower themselves.

Unfortunately, all of my “if only’s” left me feeling nothing but discouraged and frustrated. Because try as I might, I can’t rush God’s timing. I can’t rush every season, every event, or every life milestone. I want to! Gosh, I want to. You, too?

What I’m learning is that one surefire way to feel behind in life is to try to control the timing of every season. The truth is, we only have control over taking the next right step. And sometimes, the season we’re wishing away lasts much longer than we’d like it to. Sometimes, it feels like we’re moving at a turtle’s pace. Often times, it looks like constantly running into a wall only to realize that we need to pivot to find the door.

So I remind myself of this truth: Everything is perfect in His timing. HIS. Not mine. This truth doesn’t make things any easier, of course! But it does bring me a sense of peace. And a gentle reminder that the season I’m wishing away is just that: A season.

It’s not about moving fast, it’s about moving with Intention.

Speaking of wishing away the challenging/difficult seasons…

I’m an Enneagram 3. I like to achieve a goal and quickly move onto the next one. Graduation from high school approaching? Great. Let’s find a college and let’s go. Like, now. College graduation approaching? Fantastic! Time to find the first “big girl” job and get that longtime boyfriend to put a ring on it. It’s been 3 months since college graduation and I’m not engaged yet? Listen future hubby, I’m gonna need you to pop the question ‘cause I got stuff to do and we need to keep moving forward! (Thanks for dealing with my crazy, Cory! And for actually putting a ring on it. ;))

If you can’t tell, my focus is always forward, not so much right here, in the moment, and in the present.

In some scenarios, focusing on and achieving goals is a great quality! If I’m not careful, though, I move too quickly and end up sacrificing my health and my relationships just because I’m so dang focused on getting where I need to go instead of enjoying the journey.

This is an area I’ve really been working on lately. I’m working hard to not have to complete all the tasks and all the “to do’s” and all the goals and just BE. Be with my family. Connect with friends. Take a moment to look back at how far I’ve come and how much I’ve truly accomplished instead of pushing through to the next big thing.

To avoid feeling behind in life, we have to shift our gaze by focusing on the things that truly matter. This will probably look different for you than it does for me. But by focusing on living with intention, we can reduce the stressful thought of feeling behind.  

Comparison is a thief.

If you want to feel behind in life, just start looking around.

Look at Instagram, look at Pinterest, look at the neighbor down the street, look at your old high school classmate, look at a friend.

Look anywhere but up, inside yourself, or forward and I guaranty the comparison monster will grab you!

When I think of comparison, I want to shout Admiral Ackbar’s famous line from Star Wars:

It’s so easy, isn’t it? To look around at what everyone else is doing and wonder if we measure up? Try as I might to rid my life of all comparison, I still find it sneaks in sometimes, in the quietest of ways. I’ll see a gorgeously decorated fall-themed front porch of a friend and immediately think, dang it! I gotta go buy me some pumpkins and mums before it’s too late!

From another perspective…

I’ll share that I’m incredibly curious about entrepreneurship and LOVE reading stories of how business owners reached success. In the dozens of stories I’ve read, let me tell you my greatest takeaway: Not one person’s story is the same. Not ONE.

Sure, a handful of general themes can be found throughout (like yes, marketing is necessary, and if you focus on helping people rather than making the sale, you’ll have better luck), but overall, each entrepreneur took a different road to get to the top.

So, here’s where we speak truth to ourselves. When our road gets rocky and we’re tempted to look around to make sure we’re “keeping up” or “on the right path,” just remember that everyone’s journey is different. It’s not bad or wrong or behind, it’s just different. And comparing your journey to someone else’s will only leave you feeling empty.

A Few Tips on What to do When You Start to Feel Behind:

Start with a gratitude list!

Yes, here’s Kris again, beating a dead horse (such a weird saying, btw) about that gratitude list! But I’m serious. It’s so essential to shifting our mindset from what we don’t have to what we already have. And I’m 1000% positive you already have so much to be grateful for! You can read more about how to get started with this list here.

Ask yourself where you are on the timeline you think God has set before you.

This is probably the only timeline that matters. Do you feel you’re doing the things God has called you to? If so, then give yourself some grace and some peace and a definite pat on the back! You’re on the right track, regardless of what others are doing.

Check in with how fulfilled you feel each day.

Here’s where I struggle sometimes. Daily, monotonous, motherly and home ownership tasks have a tendency to leave me feeling depleted rather than rejuvenated. Please tell me I’m not alone in this thought! Sometimes the whole motherhood and employee things leave me feeling a little… less-than. If you’re in the same boat, it might be time for a hobby, a job change, or a lifestyle shift. The most important place to start, however, is to do a self-check.

Ask yourself if you’re feeling fulfilled the majority of the time. If so, what tasks are helping you to feel that way? If not, what can you adjust or try to fill up your bucket? Maybe it’s a small shift, like getting up early before the kids to have some quiet time. Or maybe it’s a larger life change. Either way, I just know that when I start to spend the majority of my time feeling unfulfilled, I start to check in with how I’m measuring up to others and that’s when I feel behind in life. That’s a road I’d rather avoid if I can.   

Ask yourself what “enough” looks like for you.

I’m going to stand on my soapbox here for 1.2 seconds to gently remind us both that just because someone else is doing it, doesn’t mean we have to do it, too. Whatever “it” is.

We can forge our own path, we can choose our own journey, and we can say, I have enough, I am enough, I’m doing enough. We don’t have to keep going and pushing and hustling just because someone else is. What does “enough” look like for you?

Wrapping Up.

Life has a tendency to move at a fast pace. It’s easy to get caught up in worrying about the timing of it all and if we’re doing it right. So let me remind us both: We’re not behind in life. There truly is no “behind.” We’ve just got to trust that we’re right where we’re supposed to be. And I truly believe you are, friend.

***OVER TO YOU: Ever felt behind? What do you wish you could go back and tell your younger self?