6 Ways to Give Yourself Grace During the Holidays

When Cory and I decided to start building a family, I had the PERFECT vision of how our PERFECT family Christmas’s would go.

We would have lights and sing songs and watch Christmas movies and give the perfect gifts! We would decorate cookies and stand outside during the first snow and drink hot cocoa! Our holiday season would be MAGICAL, dang it.

If you can’t tell, I get a bit crazy during the holidays. But honestly, I think it’s because I truly want to thrive in this season, not just survive. I want to enjoy it and I want to be so ridiculously present and joyful that I start to feel like I’m in charge of everyone’s happiness. See: Clark Griswold. ⬇️

I know you’re shocked to hear this, but I quickly realized that real life is nothing like my perfect ideas. Real life can be messy and stressful this time of year. So how do we keep the heavy load of extra to dos, high expectations, and seasonal stress from ruining us this holiday season? How can we keep our anxiety low and give ourselves grace during the holidays?   

I’m not a pro. I still get anxious and wrapped up the stress that can come with this time of year, but I have tested and tried a few things that help me feel more at ease in December. Hopefully these ideas will help you, too!

Lower Those expectations.

Let’s use the example of the annual gingerbread house building, shall we?

It’s supposed to be cute and fun, right? The kiddos will giggle with delight as they drop each perfectly placed candy onto the right spot on the house. We’ll sip hot chocolate and listen to Christmas music together. We’ll marvel at how much our design looks JUST LIKE the one on the box.

WRONG.

Normally it looks something like this: I get frustrated trying to get the walls and roof to stay together. Someone gets mad because the other sibling got 3 gumdrops to use and they only got 2. And there’s always a difference in opinion of what the house should look like.

The first year we did this, I was SHOCKED at how frustrated I felt after the process. Wasn’t this supposed to be fun? Weren’t the kids supposed to love this? Isn’t this what joyful Christmas memories are made of? WHY IS EVERYONE IN TEARS?

I shouldn’t say it’s so disastrous. The kids still ask to do one every year so obviously they must still think it’s fun.

But I’ve learned a lot since my first experience and now I lower my expectations WAY down. Someone will likely get frustrated at some point. I will likely get frustrated at some point. And the design will be whatever the heck the kids decide, regardless of how ridiculous it looks (which I suppose is part of the fun, but it also gives this type A personality of mine a headache).

My point is this: If the kiddos aren’t living up to your expectations with a project this season, give yourself the freedom to just let it go.

Let the kids lead the way every now and then. Let them throw a few extra ridiculous ornaments on the tree. Make the cookie dough ahead of time when you’re kid-free. And if they only want to decorate one cookie, it’s really ok. Gifting yourself the freedom to let it go feels like grace during the holidays.

Start prepping early.

While I love to plan ahead, I’m also the queen of procrastination. I let things get waaaaay down to the wire before I try to tackle them. And then I wonder why I’m so stressed every year.🙄

Truth be told, I think one of the reasons this season feels so stressful is because we jam pack an enormous amount of events and things to do into one, tiny time frame. So, hustling comes easy. Creating room to breath and margin to actually ENJOY the season? Now that takes work.

This year, I was willing to do the work. I wanted to find space to enjoy this season and give myself grace during the holidays. So, I tried a new tactic: I started early.

I put up all the Christmas decorations a week before I normally do. Then I dove into ordering Christmas cards at the same time, and knocked out almost all of my shopping on black Friday weekend.

While I’m 1000% positive a few things will still come down to the wire, I also feel like I’m giving myself enough space to not be completely frazzled. (Yet, anyway.😉)

Even with this tactic, I also have to remember to…

Accept that not all the things will get done.

Even if I really want to, even if I think I can do it, even if I start early.

My internal dialogue really likes to fight this one.

I want to check every little thing off the list. I want to cross every T and dot every I. It’s in my nature. I have to talk myself off a cliff every. single. year.

As an example, growing up, I specifically remember my Mom making like, 8 different kinds of cookies at Christmas. Maybe she didn’t and my memory is embellishing a bit, but either way, I was confident that I could do the same with my family.

So for the first few years with my little family, I was determined to do the same. And I’d only end up feeling frustrated because no matter how hard I tried, doing 3 different cookies was all I could do. And it was STRESS-FUL to do even that! It sounds so silly, but I felt like a failure. Why couldn’t I get more done?

You know what I learned?

We don’t have time for all the cookies. We just don’t have time!

Both Cory and I work full-time, the kiddos are in school, our weekends are full of Christmas celebrations and there are so many other things that not only need to get done, but that we’d rather be doing!

So now we pick just one kind of cookie. One. If we’re lucky.

Maybe for you it’s not the cookies. But if I had to guess, I’d bet there’s something on your list every year that you just can’t quite get done, and it’s causing you stress and frustration.

Me too, friend. You’re not alone.

What’s helped me here is to make a list of the things we TRULY want to do each Christmas season, and then being ok with letting the rest go. Even then, our list feels full. So I remind myself that I am the only single person who cares or even remembers how many stupid cookies we baked. And that feels like giving myself grace during the holidays.

Shift the spotlight.

One thing that can give us grace during the holidays is to shift the focus from ourselves and our own families, to others. So much joy can be found in giving graciously.

Also, I have to say, this is an area where I could do more.

When the kiddos and I create our list of things we want to do each holiday season, rarely does it include things for others. Sure there’s a couple things on the list. But really, the list is about us. What we want to do in this season.

There’s nothing wrong with that of course! But it does make me wonder…

• How much of a difference could I make in my community if I gave more?
• What would it look like to take a small amount of my time to help others in this season?
• Could I start with taking a few minutes of my time to deliver homemade cookies to neighbors? (Just the one kind we make, remember? 🤣)
• Could leading with a giving heart make a difference in other seasons, too?

The answer to the last one is undoubtedly, yes. When seasons get stressful, focusing the spotlight on others can help us to stop feeling so stressed about ourselves and fill our hearts with gratitude. Which leads me to my next point…

Focus on gratitude.

Do I have a post where I don’t talk about gratitude? I’m honestly curious. I should probably do a quick search.

ANYWAY, I digress.

A couple weeks ago, I listened to a podcast between Mallory Ervin and Ann Voskamp. It was centered around Thanksgiving and how to have a thankful heart, but some of the tips on gratefulness from Ann could be used every day, in every tough situation.

Listen, there are approximately 6 bajillion things that need my time and attention this time of year. If I’m not careful, my to do’s go to the front of my mind and I forget about the real reason for the season.

The gift giving, the present wrapping, the Christmas cards, the decorations, the cookies, the gingerbread house… these are all items on the list, but what about all the amazing blessings already right in front of me?

What is that Jesus is asking from me this season? What has He already given me that I’m truly grateful for?

Gratitude is still how I change my mindset. If I can focus on what I already have, it helps me worry and focus less on the stuff that isn’t going well.

Don’t forget about you!

Lastly, I feel a small plug for self-care is important when it comes to giving ourselves grace during the holidays. Will there be spare time just lying around for us to take good care of ourselves.

Very likely NOT.

But that doesn’t mean we don’t still need rest. If we are going to thrive through this season and not end it feeling burned out and frustrated, we have to take good care of ourselves! Even if it’s with small actions and on a small scale.

I know this is a tall order when we’re already experiencing late nights to wrap presents and mail out Christmas cards. I know that the lists feel SOOOO long.

But none of this stuff is going to get done if we are running ourselves into the ground either. Our kiddos and our families need us. And if we want to show up for our people, then we need to show up for ourselves first.

Wrapping Up.

There you have it! 6 ways to give yourself grace during the holidays. My hope and prayer for you, dear reader, is that you find joy this season more than you find stress or anxiety. Grace. Give yourself grace. We’re all doing the best we can with what we have. Don’t forget to look for the joy!

***OVER TO YOU: Which one of these items is something you can try this year? Comment below and let me know! Also, are you looking for more ways to practice rest and avoid burnout? Check out my free guide to getting yourself out of survival mode today!