5 Things to Tell Yourself When Mom Guilt Settles In

Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt the icky churn in your gut of mom guilt? 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️

It’s. The. Worst.

And to be honest, I think every mama friend I have has admitted to feeling this at some point in their parenthood journey. There’s feelings of guilt when we work, when we take some time for ourselves, when we hire a sitter so we can go on a date night and actually talk to our husbands WITHOUT INTERRUPTION.

For me personally, I can even feel the guilt when I head to bed and realize that I didn’t handle a situation with one of my kiddos the way I probably should have. Was I too condescending? Did I get my point across? Was I making too big of a deal out of that situation? Ug. #thestruggleisreal 🥵

For the short 6 years I’ve been a mama, I’m realizing that these feelings of guilt will sneak in often, and at the most random times. So I’m working to shift my thinking when the voice of doubt creeps in.

First we need to start out with the basics and the necessary: YOU. ARE. ENOUGH. There’s no need to wonder or doubt yourself. I see you from here and I can assure you: You’re doing a fabulous job raising those littles! Please don’t ever question if you’re enough of a mom. The fact that you care, shows that you’re enough!

Ok, I’ll step off my little soapbox now and get on to the tips. 😉 Here’s what to tell your inner “self” when you start to feel the mom guilt come on:

You can be both.

This is my personal opinion, but somewhere along the line, we women started to live into this myth that we could only be this OR that. The example that sticks out the most to me is this lie that we can’t be a good mom and have a thriving career. At some point, we started believing that we have to be ALL in. ONE thing.

Well, I’m here to tell you I don’t think this is true. I think we can live in the AND. Because, sis, you can be a great mom AND have crabby days. You can want to be with your kids AND need a break from them (some days simultaneously). And you CAN HAVE a career AND be a freaking amazing Mom! It doesn’t have to be one way or the other! You just have to find a solid balance that works for you.

Embrace the AND. You can have both worlds. It might look different than you thought, but that doesn’t mean it’s not possible. God created you to live a full life.

You are the Mama for the job.

If you take anything away from this post, I hope it’s fully knowing that you’re the best mom for your littles.

I know you already know this, but I’m here to remind you: There’s no need to compare yourself to other moms. Those kiddos of yours were created just for you! Stop worrying about what Linda in PTO would be doing with her kids in your situation. You’re not Linda and those kiddos of yours aren’t hers either. So stay in your lane and remind yourself that you’re making the best decision you can.

When I feel the most mom guilt, it’s usually because I’m looking around at what other moms are doing. I’m peaking over the fence and wondering if I’m “doing it right.” (Spoiler alert: I’ve only been a parent for 6 years, but I’m already certain that if you’re doing the best you can, it’s as close to “right” as you’re ever going to get.)

So give yourself some massive credit, mama. Those babies are yours because God knew you needed each other. You’re the best mama for the job!

You can make a mistake, and it will still be ok.

I have shocking news to share: I’m not perfect. I know, crazy, right? I’m sure you didn’t see that coming AT ALL. (Cory, if you’re reading this, please don’t laugh too hard.) Seriously, though, I mess up sometimes (read: A LOT). I sometimes go to bed wondering if I’ve ruined my children and if they’ll end up in a therapy session talking about me one day. (It’s extremely possible.)

I especially struggle with my middle kiddo. That second child. WOOF. There have been several days where I’ve crawled into bed wondering if I’ve scarred him for life. (Side note: I’m not haten’ on the middle child… I am one! So I know how difficult we can be! 😉)

The good news is, I’ve always gotten another day to get a fresh start and try again. I haven’t and I won’t always get it right, but I learn something new after each mistake and use my next opportunity to do it better.

So, to summarize: Do the best you can and accept that fact that you will make mistakes.

You don’t have to meet every single Tiny need for your kiddos.

Gah, I struggle with this one. I have a tendency to want to help all the time and with everything I can. Even when I’m frustrated, I still find myself helping. Helping to find a shoe, helping to pick up toys, helping to carry their own freaking backpacks into the house from the car because they’re “too heavy.” [Insert massive eye roll here.]

So, one thing I’ve had to work on is stepping back and letting my kids fend for themselves a little more. I’ve come to realize that if I “help” with everrrrryyyything, they’ll struggle to develop problem solving skills and patience.

In the process, I’ve discovered that if I tell, say, Makenna I will help her with her request after I’m finished with whatever I’m working on (like putting dishes away or making dinner), she’ll either try harder to figure it out for herself while I’m finishing up, or it will teach her that she’ll just have to wait her turn until I’m available.

Either way, she’s ok. I have to consistently remind myself of this. So repeat after me: These kiddos will still be ok, even if I don’t help them with something the second they ask.

You still need to take time for yourself!

Ha! You KNEW I was going to put this in here, didn’t you? Because I can’t say it enough and I feel like I should shout it from the mountaintops:

YOU CAN NOT TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR KIDDOS IF YOU AREN’T TAKING GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF!

Please don’t feel guilty if you need some time to do YOU, mama! Listen, I know you’re a level-headed woman. If you were NEVER home and you were ONLY spending time on yourself, then that would be a different story. But I know you’re not! Right now you’re probably just wondering if you can find 1 hour between now and flippin’ Christmas to book a message!

So, please hear me when I say, show your kids what it looks like to take care of yourself, and go do something for you – MOM GUILT FREE.

Wrapping Up.

All in all, I think this whole mom guilt factor comes into play because we honestly just care so deeply about our babies. We want what’s best for them and we want to be the best dang mom we can be.

So while our intentions are good, it’s still so so easy for this guilt to take over if we let it. Remind yourself that you are doing a fabulous job mommin’ and never forget that God put you here because he knew this was the perfect fit for both you and those sweet kiddos of yours! You got this, mama!

**OVER TO YOU: Do have any tips or secrets to share on how you fight mom guilt? Let’s start a conversation by commenting below!