2019 in Review – The Good and the Bad
As I type this, we’re about to swing into Christmas. While I’m super excited to watch my kiddos open presents (and let’s be real, I want to know what Santa brought me, too… 😉), my mind is already thinking ahead to 2020.
In my last post, I already went into how much I freaking LOVE all the feels that come with the New Year, so I won’t bore you with diving into that again. What I do want to emphasize, though, is that step 3 of the goal setting process I discussed last week is to EVALUATE. And that’s what I plan to do today.
The Wins.
Looking back on 2019 as a whole, I feel like I grew A TON personally.
1. I really honed in on my morning routine.
I need you to brace yourself for what time I’m about to tell you I’ve started getting up in the morning during the week because it honestly makes me sound crazy. Are you sitting down? Ok, it’s 4 AM.
It sounds ridiculous, right? It means I have to be in bed by 9 if I’m going to get 7 hours of sleep at night and WHO HAS LITTLE KIDS AND IS ABLE TO GET TO BED BY 9?🥵It’s such a stretch. And this would have never (let me emphasize N.E.V.E.R.) happened when we had a baby or infant to care for. WHEW! Brooks is 2 now so I feel like we’re over the lack of sleep thing (most nights).
Anyway, I digress. The point is, getting up UBER early allows me to be the most efficient with my creative time. It means I can start my morning with Bible reading, a devotional, and journaling. And then I can write for about 45 minutes before heading downstairs to workout.
In previous months, I’d been trying to do my writing at night after the kiddos went to bed and let me tell you, by 8 PM my brain is just DONE. I can get more writing done in 45 minutes every morning than I was ever getting done in an hour and a half at night. I just really struggled to get creative when I had already spent the day expelling so much energy.
So while I’ve officially only been getting up this early for a few weeks now, I have to say I feel like I’ve FINALLY nailed the morning routine thing down. It’s taken a lot of tweaking and adjusting this year, but I feel like I’ve finally found the sweet spot that works for me.
2. I kept writing!
Now that my morning routine is in full swing, I feel like it’s a tiny bit easier to get more consistent in this area, but the point is, I didn’t give up this year!
I’ll be honest, I’ve spent a lot of years quitting on things. Not always because they got hard or because it wasn’t fun (though sometimes that was the case), but mostly because I get easily distracted and have a hard time focusing.
But not today, Satan! 😂 I love writing so much, and I have a ton of fun with it, so it’s been an absolute joy to keep it going this year. I can not WAIT to see what’s in store for 2020 in the writing department.
The Losses.
1. My personal growth journey has exploded, but my Momming Skills could use some work.
I’ve officially been a mom for 6 years and 9 months. And you know what? I STILL find myself totally losing patience with my kiddos. Often. As in daily.
I always promised I’d be honest and up front in my writing to you, so the truth is, sometimes the “personal development” stuff comes WAY easier to me than being a mom. Why is it that getting up at 4AM doesn’t seem like a big deal, but I struggle to not get snappy with the kiddos when I’m making dinner?
I’ve never had the expectation that being a mom would be perfect, but if I’m being truthful with myself, there’s definitely room for improvement when it comes to my relationship with the kiddos. The kind of mom I want to be has more patience and less anxiety. I truly want our home to be a safe and joyful place – A place my kids want to come back to at the end of each day. Keeping that thought process in mind is a reminder to me that I need to work on my attitude and the way I speak to my kids just as much as anything else in our home environment.
2. I still need to work on how to deal with anxiety.
I wish I could sit here and tell you that I have everything figured out. But even just typing that sentence made me laugh out loud.
Anxiety is a tricky one for me. Even after writing about it and even after knowing what I should be doing, I still find myself getting wrapped up in the “too much” of it all and then feeling stressed. Even after all this time, I still struggle to say NO to doing too many things.
The biggest thing that brings me anxiety? Trying to balance house work (and actual work) with spending time with the kiddos. A LOT of times I feel like it’s the kiddos who get the short end of the stick. But maybe most moms feel like that? Some days I feel like I have a healthy balance, and some days I put the kids to bed and wonder why I felt I HAD to have my entire house picked up while they watched a movie. And then I get anxious because I don’t feel like I’m being the best mom I could be (see point 1 above). It’s a vicious cycle and it needs WERK, my friend.
Looking Ahead to 2020
Knowing what I know now and looking ahead to the future, I have some ways to make 2020 a bomb a year. (Do people still say “bomb?” Whatever. I’m using it anyway 🤓)
For starters, I’m definitely going to keep up my writing and my morning routine. That’s a given. But I’m also going to be implementing some new habits to improve my relationship with my kiddos and ward off the anxiety. (Plus there will be A LOT of praying.) I feel like both of my quote-unquote “losses” were things that will probably have to be tended to for years and years to come. The trick is to just be doing better at it by the end of next year than I’m doing at the end of this year.
Wrapping up.
I know you can’t tell, but I’m SO excited for 2020 (and yes, that was sarcasm, in case you were wondering). As mentioned last week, I’m still keeping my main, big goal to myself (for now), but I really think this year is going to be life changing. I hope you feel the same way, friend!
**OVER TO YOU: Do you do a check in or self-eval at the end of every year? What were your wins or losses this year? I’d love to hear about it and start a conversation in the comments below!
